Welcome to Whingeing Pom WA and before you all throw your toys out of the cot, Poms and Aussies alike, let me set out our stall. We are here to celebrate all that is good and all that is bad about both Western Australia and the United Kingdom (that includes Northern Ireland for our purposes, in a spirit of ongoing reconciliation). Emigrating 10,000 kilometres is no laughing matter but, once you’re here, if you don’t laugh a little you will go insane.

The UK and WA have more in common than you think. Both contain elements that are utterly, eye-wateringly sublime and, at the same time, both possess instances that are bone-crunchingly frustrating. There seems to be no neutral ground – you’re either ecstatic or you’re screaming. Contentedness rarely plays a part. There is nothing better than walking through the English/Scottish/Welsh/Irish countryside on a mild May morning or sauntering down to a Perth/Broome/Busselton/Albany beach barefoot on a sunny autumn day.  Boating across Lake Windemere or watching the sunset at South Beach are both inspiring. Boarding a crowded tube train at 6am or filling out a form at the Department of Trade and Infrastructure are both as likely to cause minor embolisms for the unfortunate participant.

We share so much:  rampant xenophobia, the same recessive gene pool that spews up hoons and chavs and a remarkable lack of civil liberties. A recent poll estimated that the average person is filmed by CCTV 300 times a day in the UK. In WA, the Eyes on the Street campaign has empowered every postal worker, electricity meter reader and park ranger with the ability to monitor, apprehend and report our behaviour to the highest authorities. Everywhere you are told what you CAN’T do. Don’t eat on the metro; don’t litter in Hull; don’t recycle on a Wednesday. In WA you need fees, permits and licenses for just about anything you could imagine. In the UK the health service stinks, the roads are clogged, social security is a joke and public transport is poor to non-existent. Communist China has more liberal licensing laws than the UK and WA. Whether at home or away, we are in the grip of a nanny state.

So why should we whine? Well, a problem aired is a problem shared or something. And we should whinge. Remember those hideous pineapple and gammon steaks at Berni Inns? We finally started complaining and now gastro-pubs litter the British high streets. Whingeing works. Or should we accept third rate service? Sure, no worries, if it is accompanied by third rate prices. Too easy. But that isn’t the case. Most things in WA come at a premium.

The traditional Aussie retort to a pommie complaint is, “well go back to where you came from if you don’t like it.” This is such a childish reaction. If you have acute halitosis and everyone complains about it do you say, “well don’t stand near me then” or do you go out, buy a pack of breath mints and do something about it?

Most UK immigrants, before they arrive in Western Australia, have romanticised the ‘big move’ and are hoping to find something vaguely ‘Mediterranean’ when they get here. What we often discover is ‘Little Britain’; possibly created by the many long-serving Poms already entrenched here. This can initially lead to an overwhelming feeling of disappointment and a barrage of whinges, whines and complaints.

I love WA for all its faults just as I still love the UK – I just wish they weren’t the same ones! On the surface, Western Australia seems to be heading the same way as the United Kingdom. Emigrating is a huge life-changing decision and we’ll be buggered if we’ve moved 10,000 kms away from friends and family to end up in a sunnier version of Watford.

Finally, we invite you to send in letters, pictures, contributions and rampant abuse but, before you flood us with accusations of racism, nationalism and the rest, consider this. I hold dual nationality and have spent an equal amount of years between the two countries. I’ve had the best of both – or is it the worst of both in this best possible of all possible worlds?

Simon Hollway
Editor