Words Dominic Cadden
Images Sandra Herd 

Darhlinks, you’ve no doubt heard the goss and know that Perth is one of the world fashion capitals – at least for the Central coastal region of Western Australia. As a nation, of course, Australia has made a number (four) major contributions to global fashion. There’s ugg boots, of course, Blundstone boots and Ken Done shirts, which were specially styled so fathers the world over can look like a bunch of four-year-olds painted their clothes while they were comatose drunk. Let’s not forget Speedos, too, which date back to 1929 when the Scottish immigrant Alexander MacRae, who was initially just trying to save a few bob on material, developed a swimwear for speed (although his creation also inadvertently set back the argument for circumcision by decades). Yes, Australian fashion has its roots in the everyday and the practical, and Australian style is as effortless and relaxed as any employee you’ll find in a Fremantle retail shop. Here’s six examples of looks you’ll find this season around Perth.

Lifesaver chic               
Surf lifesavers are the superheroes of Australian beach culture, coming to the rescue and performing superhuman feats of strength and courage. Not surprising, then, that their dress sense takes the genital-enhancing codpieces from Batman and Robin and the luridly-covered tight tops from Superman. Then there’s the  skull-hugging headwear of The Flash, a strange get-up that looks like a dunce cap without the propeller, which serves no other purpose than to shield lifesaver’s wondrous intellect from the harmful rays of the sun. Overall, however, the ensemble makes lifesavers look more like the lesser associates of Orgasmo.
There’s no doubt that if you can strut around in that kit, with the little Y-front Speedos (known as “budgie smugglers” to the locals) in front of a beach full of strangers, then you must be pretty tough. It’s a bit like Mike Tyson wearing a tutu to a fancy dress party because he can – after all, who would dare give him crap about it? The look works differently on the female lifesavers. With the skull caps and their squared shoulders and bums as hard as truck tyres squeezed into one-pieces or sport bikinis, they look like they're out to help Barbarella salvage all the Earth's usable sperm before the planet's imminent destruction.
You can excuse the lifesaver’s outfit as a uniform steeped in a peculiar tradition, much like the London Beefeater’s get-up, but surf lifesaving has had a curious crossover into commercial fashion. For a modest price, you too can buy a range of boardshorts, tight lycra Tees and tiny swimsuits in garish colours ranging from ‘excessive frottage’ pink to ‘vitamin pee’ gold and ‘terrifying wank’ blue (dark lavender). The budgie-smugglers all come with the name of your preferred beach emblazoned across the buttocks, which looks a bit naff and more than a little homo-erotic ­– writing a return address across the backside of your Y-fronts is usually something only done by gay gigolos working the clubs of Madrid.

Bogan mother must-haves            
Being a bogan mother is more than just a way of regularly airing out your fanny or the product of a weekend at Pinky Beach after failing Year 10 again. It’s a lifestyle choice, and as such it has had a marked influence on young suburban fashion.
Starting from the gutter up, the Bogan mother’s footwear of choice for much of the year is ugg (short for ugly) boots. These are little skinned sheep that are worn on the feet and, especially in the warmer months, they second as a perfume, making their own eau de tinea. They also serve as a very comfortable and practical way to walk around with $200 in gold coins stuffed in their footwear for when the pokie machines beckon. The ones wearing flip-flops are seriously trying to quit the gambling habit. 
Like their Chav sisters, the Bogan mother has a penchant for track pants, but given the climate, the Aussie girl wears a particularly thin fabric that does little to hide her choice in underwear style or her labial proportions. More popular choices are their skirts from high school, or aerobics-style lycra shorts. Whichever the choice, the look is set off by the visible thong underwear sitting above (aka the whale tail), often highlighted further by the use of thong jewellery – fake rhinestones, shells, ex-engagement rings, etc. that are attached to the straps of the underwear.
A staple of the Bogan mother look is the halter top and tiny tee, which are almost indistinguishable. Both are often adorned with one-word slogans such as ‘Sexy’, ‘Goddess’ or ‘Angel’, signifying the humourous and sarcastic outlook to the hardships of their lifestyle – or serious self-delusion. It’s a look that leaves a bare band of bulging tummy, a fashion that give the lady that air of mystery – has she just had a baby? Is she pregnant again? Or just alcoholic?
As with any lady’s fashion, accessories are important. There’s the 3-wheel pram with monster-truck tyres, giving a modern, cutting edge touch to an age-old look. It also helps for a quick getaway when the lady has just overdrawn her credit card at the Northbridge shops while buying a jewel-studded ankle bracelet about the weight of a leg-iron.

Bikie prêt à porter        
It was inevitable that outlaw bikie gangs would have a presence here. After all, as a proportion of population, south-western WA has a greater concentration of bikies than anywhere in the world (except maybe Adelaide). Currently these fine gentlemen are waiting in the wings until the WA state government over-regulates itself to the point of implosion, and the outlaw gangs will be seen as a viable and welcome alternative. After all, they’ve done a sterling job managing an integral part of the nation’s fiscal dynamism, i.e. the drug trade.
The big news in biker fashion is, black is back. And front. And covering the face if the gentleman is a person of interest to police investigations. Blue jeans are fine sometimes, and the odd primary colour in a checked flannel shirt shirt worn over a black T-shirt is acceptable for special occasions, such as court appearances, otherwise colour as a base is considered a faux pas. The colour is in the label, and in WA we have a rich selection of seven brands, ranging from the more conservative and established image of brands such as Hell’s Angels and The Outlaws, the serious, corporate look of the Coffin Cheaters, or the more playful image set by biker fashion houses such as Club Deroes and God’s Garbage. As with any look, it’s important to accessorise. Rings and monster belt buckles are this summer’s must-haves, and the biker gentleman will often set off all that lovely black leather with a little bling – pistols or knuckle-dusters (either in brass or steel, depending on his eye colour and pigmentation), but the real item du jour for today’s bikie cognoscenti is the latest range of cute little stun-guns. It’s also not unknown for the WA biker to splurge on a trip to the US West Coast to shop for hair, as their style icons are ZZ Top and Metallica, although the more demure bikie in WA seems to take his coiffe and grooming sense from Alexei Sayle. 

Office Slacker foutre couture              
Australia is often perceived as a relaxed and flexible society, and it’s an attitude embraced by office slacker chic. This summer’s office slacker will be wearing an ensemble that says, “Yes I have an important office job, but I really can’t be arsed dressing for it because I’ll be knocking off early to go to the beach, then out to Club Bay View to drink until I collapse on top of some random guy.”
This look is a complicated pastiche to pull together. Often it starts with flip-flops, but not any old flip-flops of course, the formal $35 Havaianas adorned with twinkets, or Swarovski crystals, depending on seniority in the firm. Make-up is minimal, as she wants to save what she has in her handbag for the nightclub (the lady has her priorities!), but the nails are immaculate, each a tiny Monet of rich colour and texture.
The blouse is important, as it’s the part seen above the line of the desk when sitting. It’s corporate in style, block colour, yet translucent and seemingly missing a couple buttons at the top. It reveal the ties of a colourful bikini top that fails to fully restrain the bosom when reaching forward for a desk phone. The office slacker may match this with a flimsy skirt, or instead go for a sleeveless dress in a safe colour and light, crushable fabric so that it can be pulled out of her handbag and worn again next morning when she wakes up in someone else’s bed. The dress is short and worn without stockings, so should the lady leave her desk to do anything useful, cheeky inner thigh tattoos with messages such as “heaven’s above” are clearly visible. 
Of course, this style all changes should the office have “mufti Friday”. Then she’ll come to work looking like a right slag.

The Lost Village Person look
Australia is known for the rugged, outdoors man, and none is more clearly recognisable in the city than the  urban labourer. Lost Village Person fashion is a basic and practical style that still allows a man to express his individuality. For instance, although the base clothes are usually either a ‘murder’ blue or ‘gang’ green, the gentleman can add a splash of colour with a vibrant safety vest in yellow, orange or rosé. Bold colours are de rigeur for the reflective sunglasses, too, an essential part of the overall fashion concept, but also a practical defence against Asian tourists who beg the gentleman to serenade them with the chorus of You Can’t Stop the Music.
Above all, however, Lost Village fashion has a practical application revolving around one thing: great legs. Australia’s Lost Village People seem to place the same aesthetic value on their legs as Heidi Klum’s insurance company does on her’s. The heavy boots and short, thick socks act as a base to anchor the eye and accentuate the slimness of the ankle, while the shorts are carefully cut no lower than the drop of the scrotum, giving a long and appealing line to the leg. The high cut of the shorts allows for a greater overhang of the gut which, like women’s lipstick, is presented as a symbol of fertility. As such, the gentleman’s top-wear – a singlet is the preferred item – is left short to bring out this feature. A dark T-shirt is also an option, as it works so well when accessorised with a pack of Winnie Blues tucked in the sleeve at the shoulder.
Grooming plays its part in the ethos of the look, especially the styling of facial hair. Moustaches are now outré, it’s the bouffant look that is currently in vogue, sprouting from either the nostrils or ears, or both.

The Towel ensemble
As is no doubt clearly obvious by now, Australians are trained in the ways of style and fashion from a very early age. As early as aged two, you will see them take their inaugural walk down that catwalk of life – the beach. Already they are looking for some way their exterior can express their personality, their dreams and aspirations in a way that words can’t (well, they only have a seven-word vocabulary). That’s when they discover hooded towels – only here could fashion designers have figured that Australians spend so much time in towels that they may as well make clothing out of them.
Practicality aside, it’s the self-expression that counts. On any given Saturday morning in Perth, there will be thousands of three-year-olds standing in front of their closet going, “Hmmm, which outfit best expresses who I am today? The Spiderman, the frog, or the laughing pig?” This is taken seriously here, and as much as anything, this early training in personal style is character building – or it least it will be when after the humiliating family videos and photos are passed around several years later.