You’re exhausted and if you don’t take a break, your house, office, offspring and multiple acquaintances are in danger of being wiped out by the thermo-nuclear reaction simmering inside your head. However, you don’t want to travel for more than five hours, you need out and out luxury for the partner and outright value for the bank balance. Choose Thailand; choose Phuket; choose the Evason Phuket Resort.
I was initially reluctant to travel to Phuket, having heard all the horror stories. My mind was immediately set at ease on arriving at the local airport. Whilst you watch all the other poor muppets ( including those bound for the Meridien – haha!), cram into gleaming minibuses , the Evason rep rushes up and takes your bags as a huge black BMW limousine slides noiselessly up to the kerb. The driver ushers you into the cool interior and a scented face towel and TV screen await your whims. Even better, the driver doesn’t speak unless you engage him in conversation: call me a grumpy bugger but this is vital for those, so fatigued from months of polite small talk, that just one more inane dialogue will tip you over the edge.
The 45 minute trip to the resort breezes by and the limo sails into a huge reception area. The staff greet you and direct you towards a tranquil courtyard, where the checking in pavilion perches on top of an infinity pool. All you can hear is the sound of trickling water and birdsong: the cares of the world slip away within minutes.
This was too good to be true so I immediately went for the jugular when alone in my room. At first, I look for signs of my two pet hates: laziness and intrusiveness. The first I thought I had spotted immediately, as I fished a run of the mill breakfast menu off the immaculate bed. Menu on bed: how clichéd! Wrong – it was a pillow menu. I had the choice of 15 different types of pillows, including buckwheat, egg-crate, hyper-allergenic etc. They sounded more like an exotic banquet than pillows – how snazzy! My second bugbear, intrusiveness, involved an embarrassing moment with my porter as I claimed not to have any cash on me before he departed and I silently cursed the need to tip everyone every time you burp or breathe. Then I snatched up a letter sitting on the imposing teak coffee table which, to paraphrase, read, ‘we know how inconvenient it is to tip hotel staff – so please don’t.’ Wow! Ten out of ten.
In my mind there are two great hoteliers in the world; one is Christina Ong and the other is the Evason group. The two are similar in their execution: natural products, an exceptional eye for detail and a percentage of profits ploughed back into the hotel staff’s education and charity programmes for the local community. Ong is more about the nuances whereas Evason is more overt, giving an Evason hotel a more immediate wow factor.
The studio rooms at Evason Phuket are beautiful BUT if you really want to relax, the minimum you should go for is a duplex private pool suite which is an exercise in masterful design and simple luxury. If you want to lose weight, de-stress or just not be hassled by the normal holiday sun-a-thon then the private plunge pool on your balcony fulfils that infrequent but vital need for rehydration without worrying if your belly is tucked in or whether your partner is wearing this season’s bikini.
Packaged tranquillity would be the best way to describe this particular resort. The Six Senses Spa, an integral part of the hotel, is out of this world. Spas are just as much for blokes as for gals now and you won’t be accused of being a sissy if you happen to enjoy the three hour, four-handed massage or feel at one with the universe whilst reclining in a real milk and honey bath as fresh frangipani petals swirl round your hyper-hydrated carcass!
Due to Thailand’s location and relatively cheap prices, it attracts tourists from all around the world. Accordingly, the clientele at the Evason consists of a melting pot of nationalities and, due to fluctuating exchange rates, a smorgasbord of classes: I find this a refreshing bonus. For example, a man in his late 20s, covered neck to foot in tattoos, blithely trotted past me on his way to breakfast (sporting a girlfriend clenching his hand in a vice-like grip as though hanging on for dear life – or at least psyching up for those breakfast buffet stares). On the whole, the clientele veers towards the pasty and doughy: thank God! A cacophany of hairy, goose-pimpled marble-white legs are unveiled by the men at breakfast and scuttle around like so many tarantula legs. The womens’ loose covered, pastel shaded cotton sari affairs, are probably hiding a multitude of sins until they acquire a tan and a colonic. However, this is what a spa retreat is all about. There are places in the South of France and the Bahamas, touted as retreats, where the women bronze and diet for three months BEFORE they get there and where, if you are unfortunate enough to recline too close to the lip of the infinity pool, their razor sharp hips will lacerate your love handles as they jettison themselves forth to the cocktail bar for an evian spray mist and a juniper berry maquito.
The Evason is ultimately an honest place to visit. It purports to cater for the mind and body and that means real minds and bodies – and they do it in style. The food is magnificent, the setting is exquisite and the service is pinpoint perfect. And the cost? Ah, I will let you do a bit of research for yourselves but here’s a clue...Five star luxury at three star prices: it doesn’t get better than that.
For further information visit: www.sixsenses.com/evason-phuket
